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Thursday, October 28, 2010

on chosing a life partner

Its the 28th of October and I let me kids dress up for the last day of preschool before Halloween... they are so gorgeous if I do say so myself. 
T is a Snow Princess and MJ a Lady Bug.  But what's really funny about this is that MJ wants to be a Puppy and T says that this is her wedding dress.  I just need to get her a 'vase' - aka veil.  When we first bought the costumes back in early September they we thrilled and couldn't wait for Halloween.  But like I said now MJ doesn't want to be a bug.  Right from the start T said this would be here wedding dress and was wondering when we were going to her boyfriend's house so they could get married!!  I told his mom about it and we both had a good giggle. 
T has been saying for nearly 2 years that she was going to marry this poor little fella... I keep reminding her that she has many years to make such an important decision.  Then I ask her why she wants to marry S.  Her answers are always striking.  She goes through a list of his best qualities, which are pretty impressive for a life partner.  She says among other things that he's thoughtful, caring, strong so he can protect her from dangers, he's smart, cute and fun to be around.  Not a bad list and I really hope she keeps this in mind as she gets older and the search for a life partner begins for real. 
I have to admit that I'm a little torn when she starts talking about this.  I'm glad that she thinks S is a kind, generous, nice young boy who could be her partner.  But I'm worried about the fact that she's planning her wedding and she's only 5!  Not to mention that she's been planning this for nearly 2 years now!  I remember 'marrying' boys and all that at her age but did I come across as serious as she does?  I don't think my parents ever really knew about my play marriages.  I talk to her about how long it will be until she can really get married and how things change and how she may not even be friends with S anymore when its time for her to get married.  Her reaction - she's marrying S!  No ifs, ands, or buts!   Am I over reacting??  I don't really know.  I guess I just have to keep reminding her that things change and when it really comes time to settle down for her, whatever choices she makes are hers and not mine.  I hope she takes some chances and meets lots of new people male and female and learns that love and friendship change and changes are part of life.  Right now she doesn't like change at all.
(T is very upset that one of our local restaurants which we frequent is building a new building right next to the current structure and the current building will be torn down.  Heaven forbid her favourite restaurant change!  The current building is old and worn out.  The floor tiles are chipping the wall paper peeling and paint chipping too.  There is definitely room for improvement and a new building is good too since it will be larger and be able to accommodate more families comfortably.)
On a similar but different note.  What is with girls swearing that they'll be best friends forever and then 'breaking up' with each other????  T's teacher has actually had to talk with her and her BFF K about just being friends and being friends with all of their class mates not only each other.  That playing with lots of people is more important than playing with only each other.  I've been stressing this too but a 5 year old who has a friend who calls her BFF just doesn't get why they shouldn't be BFFs.  Sure it seems cute and harmless but really it can be limiting especially when they tell others that they can't play unless its with their BFF.  Am I wrong?  I don't know.
Then there is wee little 3 year old MJ.  Apparently she wants to marry a girl.  Guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Not that I haven't talked to her about it a little bit.  I've told that she can love whoever she likes boy or girl but that not everyone wants to be with people that are the same gender.  I've mentioned that most girls marry boys but if she chooses to marry a girl then so be it.  (Her big sis then interjects that "NO Girls Marry Boys!")  I've been told by the caregivers at her preschool group that she and one of the other little girls were hugging and kissing about 6 months ago but I didn't make anything of it - why would I?  T was hugging and kissing boys and girls at the same age.  No biggie.  But now that little girl in particular is the one MJ has said she thinks she wants to marry.  But the saving grace is that she more often says to me that she is troubled because she doesn't know who she wants to marry.  I tell MJ that it is quite normal to not know who you want to marry at her age and that she has many, many years to make such an important decision.  Then we discuss the qualities a person who we chose to marry should have.  Which starts with the ones her sister says S has.
So on love, life and the pursuit of happiness???  I hope my children take their time getting their life partner.  I took my time.  Met lots of other potentials.  But came back to My One and Only... it only took us 18 years to realize that he truly was my one and only.  Hmmm we met in 4th grade.  How is that different from T & S?  Only a few years.  I guess anything is possible!

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